Here We Go Again

Today, a new round of documents came out alleging a deeper level of involvement and complicity on the part of Baylor University in the cases of football players assaulting other persons.

I'm angry, you know? I'm so angry that I'm not angry anymore, that I'm just exhausted. Ken Starr and his student-friendly ways, student-friendly until it came time to actually stand up and be a man of honor, which he apparently couldn't do. Art Briles and his country charm, his folksy mannerisms, and his willingness to take on anything. Ian McCaw and his savvy hiring, his quiet maneuvering of a sinking ship on the Brazos to a new safe harbor of entertaining success.

If there's anything these new reports show, it's that the leaders of this university can't hide behind a claim of ignorance anymore. There is no ignorance, and it seems to be growing ever clearer that there never really was.

How did I not see this coming, that this was a group of people so determined to win at any cost, even if that cost was this? They can't say "oh, well, they never played a down of football" anymore. No, these were huge team contributors that would have hurt those chances for titles and money and glitter if the men in charge done the honorable thing.

But no, we've got a stadium to pay off, and so the show must go on.

The thing is, the thing that I want to come back to and also avoid, is that this is everywhere. This is everywhere! Not every university may be failing to this level, but there is this kind of systemic failings of victims at every university. No one is perfect. The greater sin, though, is that for years and years and years, Baylor has pretended it is.

I wrote some on this in my previous pieces on this theme, but here we are again, with another round of damning documents that no longer allow us the innocence of youth. When you step onto Baylor's campus, you're told it's a home, that you're with family, that these people (this president of the university who helps you unload your boxes) would do everything to protect and encourage you - but it turns out there are limits.

There are limits, like when a team chaplain reportedly tells a young woman reporting an assault to him to let it be. There are limits, like when there's not even the most basic of system in place - a Title IX office, the very least possible - to ensure that when this happens, it can be handled well. There are limits, because this is Baylor, right? We can stick our head in the sand like ostriches and pretend that Good Christian Boys have been Taught Better and Would Never and that Good Christian Girls wouldn't Put Themselves In These Positions Anyway, and therefore, it just Can't Happen Here.

Wake up, Mr. President. Wake up, head coach. Wake up, various and sundry honored sirs and madams of the council. You are not exempt. You are not special. This university is just dirt and stone like every other place on earth, and the people in it are a mix of humanity like any other. If you don't take proactive measures - not just those blue-light poles, half of which seem to be broken every semester, not just the asinine "we're here for you" and then cutting off counseling sessions after a semester, not just the barest of minimums - if you aren't here, then you don't only lose your claim to being "better than," you are therefore worse than for even claiming it.

Of course, I've said this all before. I have! I've said it in more flowery language, I've torn apart rhetoric from here to there, I've screamed and cried and cursed and worn myself hoarse trying to make this university worthy of me. Right now? It's not, and I feel like I'm just repeating myself, screaming at an unhearing wall, an uncaring group of people who want to wear a caring mask.


Note: I feel I must lay this out here, simply because it is who I am. I did not experience anything like what has been reported while I was at Baylor. My experience while on campus was, for the most part, a good and growing one. I had incredible professors who did live up to the ideals put forth by the university, I had wonderful mentors who made time for a very confused and frustrating music student who wanted to do anything but, and I had a counselor who flouted those very "only so many sessions" rules to help me make it out of the mire of my mind, even temporarily. This is why I feel so betrayed, I supposed - because I had the model experience, and it seems there are so many who didn't, and were shoved away for not.