Are/Aren't

We're damned if we are and damned if we aren't.

If we're conventionally attractive, then we're bobble (or bubble) heads parroting what the men in the organization look up for us to say, and opinions are tossed out in favor of a disgusting grading system where men discuss whether or not they'd fuck us.

If we aren't, then our opinions and knowledge remain worthless in favor of accusations and personal attacks (which aren't just limited to the "aren't" but seem to be more prevalent), as well as discussions of what animal we look like, and how desperate an anonymous man on the internet would have to be to fuck us.

We have to wear tight dresses and heels when the men around us wear the same suit for the twelfth time in a row. We're expected to be non-confrontational and not respond to the mountains of literal shit that some of us get on Twitter, or even thankful that some man has deigned to grace our replies with his declaration of desire.

For the first six or so months that I was active in "Sports Twitter" (and a year before that when I only existed as a Baylor blogger), I either had no picture of myself on Twitter or a picture of my face covered by my phone or some other prop. Why would I? I saw no reason to open myself up to criticism of my appearance, judgement, and harassment. I've been lucky, so far, that I've not experienced the half (or even an eighth) or what many of my colleagues face. I haven't had overt threats or attacks made against me publicly, yet.

Of course, the important word here is "yet." I know – I accept? – that it's coming. I know that at some point I'll hit that level of success where the internet feels a need to comment on my appearance, to comment on my weight or my presence rather than the content I put out there. It's incredibly depressing to think that we've come to judge someone's success by the level of internet-torture they receive, but that's what it is. In order to be a successful woman in sports (and not just sports, but sports is where I'm comfortable), you have to take it on the chin and keep smiling.

If you stop smiling, don't worry. Some man will go out of his way to remind you.