end of year (2015)

I've started this post a good half-dozen times, taking different tacks on breaking down a year that has felt like three - from the trite to the overly-serious to the profanity-filled. 

Nothing really works, because, man, trying to describe this year is fairly futile. Broken down simply, I -

• Got a job
• Left that job
• Got another job
• Presented at a conference
• Wrote an essay that will be published in a real, live, buy-at-Barnes-and-Noble book
• Joined two other "jobs." 
• Realized that my dream job is maybe achievable
• Fell in love with a movie
• Fell out of love with an idea
• Moved out of my parents' house
• Made friends
• Lost friends
• Went to Boston and New York
• Realized that writing lists is no real excuse for poor writing
• Started playing flute again and not hating it or myself.

Maybe in 2016 I'll write a proper post, something more in my normal style, that blend of high-falutin' and hard talk I think I've cultivated a fair amount over this previous year. For now, though, since I have errands to run, and a day job to do, and a hockey game to get to tonight, I'll just link all of you to the pieces I'm proudest of, and finish off with some sincere words. 

I'm proud to have written on what the Baylor sexual assault case means to me as an alumna - in all its shades and complications. I'm proud to have talked about women in sports - hiring, self-promoting, and mentoring - and why we're not faking it. I'm proud to have talked about mental health, and my own struggles with creating. 

I'm proud to have written about the Cole Hamels trade, one of my better pieces of baseball work in the year. I'm proud to admit I was wrong about Nick Williams! 

For Baseball Prospectus, I was proud to write about failure and Daniel Murphy. I also wrote about Matt Harvey being okay, and with two of my favorite people, I wrote about the stupid outfield things every team should have. 

I wasn't as productive in 2015 as I was in 2014. A lot of that can be chalked up to being employed, but some of that is a fault of my own fear - fear that I couldn't write the way people expected me to, a fear that paralyzed my brain and has kept me from trying, because if I don't try, I don't fail. In 2016, I resolve, I promise, that I will not let this keep me down. I'm going to write, and some of it will be crap, but I'm going to write anyway. I'm going to write about baseball, and I'm going to write about life, and I may even write fiction for the fun of it. 

In the end, we are what we choose to be, and I choose to write. 

Love, 

Kate

Particular thanks and love to: Jen Man Ramos, Kailen Nourse, Graham Jenkins, Jarrett, Michael Baumann, Patrick Dubuque, Sam Miller, Harry Pavlidis, Russell Carleton, Mike Gianella, the people of EDSBS, Katy Clarke, Levi Weaver, Or Moyal, and my collegiate sister Sara.